Post  #2686.   The Warlord. He was Magnificent, and his title was just as Magnificent and it was expected that one would employ it, being careful to include all the honorifics and nuances, when addressing His Magnificence. I always did anyway. This day he was energized, enthusiastically reviewing the grand plans for his new city, and he finally decided upon the alignment for our Grand Boulevard which was pretty much the key to the whole plan. Now, things could move forward. I didn't imagine at the time that a question about the statue would end up being so important. As it happened, the Boulevard, when extended, pointed directly at a small statue of Jesus on a nearby hillside, and His Magnificence asked about it. Somebody explained, briefly, and we moved on.

Who would ever have expected it? Later, I'm not sure how much later, in a vast, fine gathering of All Who Were Important, Noble and Well-dressed, His Magnificence announced that his subjects would be converting to Christianity, as he only just had, and furthermore he planned to introduce human rights, universal suffrage, capitalism and a few other things which I can't remember now. It was heady stuff, and this made persons in the assemblage heady as well, though I remember thinking as some of the questions grew slightly more impertinent than usually would be dared that all it would take would be a slight shift of mood and heady might end up being headless. I stayed out of it anyway and just listened.

Later, he presented a large map to a group of advisers (I was there too) which he had drawn himself. The map showed the proposed boundaries of our kingdom (somewhat expanded from what I remembered our extent as having been) relative to the boundaries of the adjoining kingdoms. I think there were three neighbors on the map. He had written a rather crude threat and something like, "This is how it's going to be from now on, fellas," right on the map and, so he told us, had already mailed it to the other three kings. So, I thought, it's Christianity, Freedom and now War. Quite a week.

Through this adventure there are incredible costumes and pageantry, horns announcing arrivals, feasts and the usual royal stuff. Oh, and did I mention that we were all Japanese? Pretty impressive, taking place as it did from the time I got up to pee at about 5:10am and an hour or so later when the alarm went off. (See: Norvasc, side-effects, vivid) Rick Macherat Rick M. where sre you Scott Thompson In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:12 AM

Post  #2685.   My absence.  I just spent a week in the hospital, first contact with the medical profession of any significance since 1948. I'm not offering that as an excuse for the lack of posts. There is no excuse other than my turning 70 years of age and suddenly not giving a shit about anything. It's quite amazing actually.

The hospital thing might be good for a few words. I'll work on it. Some things happened which make it harder to be a complete cynic about the world.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 1:18 AM

Post  #2684.   Facebook.  Can you believe the pos is worth more than $280,000,000,000.00? More than Walmart which actually does something. It is the fastest company to reach a quarter-trillion in value - three years. As far as I'm concerned, this abomination and its twerp founder are very high up on the list of what's wrong with our planet.

I'm on it. Because of the wimmin. I started to collect them early on, friends from as long ago as 62 years plus a bunch from the working years. They won't let me leave. They all remember me from THEN. I should post a current picture. That should solve it. Too cruel maybe.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:33 AM

Post  #2701.    This is so Seattle. The city employs Trash Checkers whose job it is to go around in the early morning on Trash Day and audit people's trash. Especially recycling, which I can tell you is very hard to get right. The consequences of a F-A-I-L are mild for the time being, a polite notice on your trash toter, but the ordinance specifies an escalating scale of punishments all the way up to execution (or so it has been rumored.)

Coincidentally, and I'm happy to report also "so Seattle" is the trend for the biggest night of tagging to happen on Trash Day Eve. After a night of defacing the city, the little bastards throw away their spray paint cans in as many recycling bins as they can.

The final stage, a series of angry community meetings with lines at the speaker's microphone snaking all the way out the door, isn't unique to our city. The appearance and indignation of the various speakers is, however, and worth watching on the news.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 11:58 PM

Post  #2700.   Why "government" and "money" are meaningless terms. Type "Biden" and "rape kit" on Google. You'll see one of the 36 television appearances the Vice-President made on Friday. They're rolling him out. This one was to announce that SEVENTY-NINE MILLION DOLLARS is being allocated* to help clear up the rape kit backlog. In most major cities, the backlog is stuck in the year 1904 when the government first became involved and dictated from then on the identification of victims would be of the "Jane D." form. From 1904 until late 2014, all those cases are still on the shelves, waiting for someone to decide what to do with them. That's what the $79,000,000.00 is for. There will be meetings (see: Travel) and studies. As for current rapes, the same seven technicians are working as hard as they can to finish up December of 2014 and get into 2015 before it's over. The film clip showed a pair of techs handling a rape kit box. Although it appeared so, shirley they weren't trying to figure out how to open it.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 11:16 PM

Post  #2699.   A bit more on the History of Seattle. In 1792, Captain Vancouver heard the story of how Mt. Rainier was named and decided to take credit for it himself. You might note that the Wikipedia biography doesn't mention this at all, a reminder, perhaps, of the suspicion which has been around literally for hundreds of years. As native lore tells it, Lt. Rainier and Chief Seattle were walking one day, having another of their many difficult conversations. They came to a rise and beheld, as Rainier would have had it, presciently, Mt. Victoria, after his own 2nd cousin. The Chief pointed at magnificent Mt. Tahoma, and said, "Lnrainier!" The Lieutenant replied, "Yes?" The Chief repeated, pointing and moving his finger up and down, "Lnrainier!" The Lieutenent, again, said, "I heard you the first time, Chief .. Whut? Whut. Do. You. Want?" As always happened in their communications, this went on until Rainier got it. "Ahhh. You are renaming Tahoma in my honor, Mt. Rainier." "Yes, yes, yes!" said Chief Seattle," now speaking excitedly in Lushootseed/Whulshootseed, hoping the news would induce Rainier finally to leave and spread the news to the world. He did just that and ultimately became Admiral of the Blue, a Member of Parliament and wealthy. Here is a painting showing how well life treated him:



On one of their earlier walks, Dkhw'Duw'Absh Chief Seattle, also known Si'ahl, Sealth, Seathle, Seathl, or See-ahth, had pointed at the expanse of what is now Elliott Bay and said, "Sea!" "See whut?" said Rainier, and off they went again, finally discovering to their great amusement that the word was the same in both their languages with "tle" meaning "by the.".

For years later, people on both sides said recounted that Chief Seattle waved vigorously as Rainier's ship pulled away at last, obviously missing his dear friend already. Happily, he and all of us would forever have that magnificent mountain the remember him by. Incidentally, did you know that it is not illegal to make up anything you want on the Internet? It's true! Know what else? There are no rules. Grammar? Forget it. Spelling? The machine handles that. Usualy. Style? Please. In my case, I'll never see another big red "AWK!" next to my typing. I've been doing this and trying to hasten our march toward the State of Idiocracy for about 24 years now. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:40 AM

Post  #2698.   Poor nukes.  It should be so simple, and miraculous, but it will never be. I was checking out a site for a company which makes small nuclear power systems. Would I ever want one of those - lasting forever, problem-free. So, I clicked on the link which was to lead me to the how what when why page.


*sigh*Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:25 AM

Post  #2697.   Our day.  Did you know this thing saves drafts? Yes. All of those posts you started and abandoned for various reasons. This one was pretty funny, I thought. Seems it was just after a Christmas, years ago.

   A little departure for this blog - a trip inside the real world. Brother and I got up at the usual time and had breakfast, but from then on the day was completely different from our usual. I am only just now getting to the computer for the first time - 10:45 at night. We opened a portion of the loot, then sister-in-law came over. She has many stops to make on Eve and Day, but she ends up spending the remainder with us, or at least she has for the past thirty years or so. Brother pointed out that today was the 41st Christmas in this house, for him anyway.

Tons of cool stuff. I spent like a drunken sailor and was glad to do it. From here on out, any Xmas could be the last. Besides, I used a credit card. One little story I have to tell you about.

I opened a package that smelled a little. As more and more paper came off and the item came closer to my nose, the unmistakeable Puer la Chine began to make me dizzy. Yes indeed, an item of clothing from China. I held it up at a distance and was surprised, no flabbbergasted, to behold a Size 14 Petite pair of leather/suede ladies' jeans. There was much more to do, so the solving of this mystery would have to wait until later. Questions continued to bob in and out of my mind. Why did brother give me a pair of ladies suede jeans? Jeans that were too small. How do the Chinese make suede out of recycled tires? Would Brother really just wrap something like that without wondering where it came from? (That one answered itself. He would.)

The investigation. It was brief and, as it fairly typical in these cases, a complete waste of time. A rigorous interview with Brother and a long telephone conversation with the by then home and having wine Sister-in-law proved inconclusive. The receipts went out of course, but the trash hasn't been picked up yet. I have until Thursday to go out there and dig for them or simply let it go. My nature would generally compel me to make a half-assed attempt to get the stink-to-high-heaven jeans back to the person or store they they belong to, ASSUMING I didn't pay for them. They aren't on the AX bill which contained the other items bought that day. Those two can't even remember what stores they went to, however. See, Brother gets a little woozy when he gets taken out for shopping and lunch with Sister-in-law, and she, well, she is a bit off all of the time.

Any advice would be appreciated, of course, but I'm leaning toward re-gifting them to a certain relative (she's about a petite-14 as it happens) once some time has gone by. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 1:11 PM

Post  #2696.   Some fun.  Want to do something fun? Have "Alexa" or use some other means to play Surfin' Bird by the Trashmen (1963) and get an idea of what your grandparents were up to and the general level of sophistication of the times.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:52 PM

Post  #2695.   What happens out west.    See, because we're behind and you folks up east, in the center of the Universe, you never hear the news from out here. For instance, on a Saturday night through Sunday morning this happened:

The dump truck was carrying a 80,000-pound load of clay and gravel when it crossed the I-5 median Saturday, plowing into oncoming traffic that was stopped while police investigated an earlier fatal shooting, authorities said.

Twenty-eight vehicles were involved in the collision, and traffic backed up for miles as lanes were closed for hours in both directions.

"It was bumper-to-bumper traffic, and then ... it was like the semi just flew over the whole median and there was dirt everywhere. So much dirt, it was like a sand storm. It was astonishing," witness Bobby Grace observed.

Incidentally, the shooting involved the killing of two people in a car by a passing vehicle, according to the passenger who leaped from the back seat into the front to stop the car.

As is the case pretty much everywhere, what really matters is the traffic. Here's JeanAnne with that ..Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 1:12 PM

Post  #2694.   Our modern cushy keen world.     It's especially keen that we make so much money and everything is so cheap. The reason for that is that we search the world over for the poorest, most desperate people to build, make, put together and, increasingly, grow all of our stuff. We never give them a thought.

One of the better things about this arrangement which, by the way, history will not look kindly upon, is that very high quality is maintained with all of these products because the workers are honored to have the opportunity to make life keen for us, the people who select the items, put them in our carts, take them home and, in about a year, throw them out because they were even too crap for the yard sale.

Buy that?

I didn't think so. Because you are probably one of the sad slobs who has had a finger or two ripped off, had an eye gouged out, been electrocuted or endured the worse eleven days of explosive diarrhea of anybody who lived anyway. Yeah, they're honored all right.Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 11:57 PM

posted by Rick at 2:21 PM

Post  #2692.   BlogSpot Trouble.  I don't know if something broke or someone got

into the Blog and messed with it. The latter would depend on that someone Finding the blog, some thing which hasn't happened in years. As you can see, this place is thoroughly messed up tonight.

So, if I never come back, I didn't die after all. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 1:01 AM

Post  #2692.   VP of what?    An article in the paper today about a Google Vice President of "search products and user experience" got me thinking about the world of work in general. And why I am so glad not to be remotely involved with it anymore. The business channel was running stock footage of employees in cubicles while voicing a report on some business thing. Just think about it: millions upon millions of people sitting in those things, typing away, with maybe a stuffed animal and some family pictures nearby to give some illusion of life to the experience. Each day that passes means fewer people like me who think this is all unnatural and more people like them who are quite comfortable with it. Just this weekend I was telling someone, a young someone, about traveling to the airport in the day. You know, how you drove up, parked at the curb, walked out to the gate, greeted your arrivee, picked up bags and left. Elapsed time: maybe 40 minutes, of course that included a stop for a drink at the bar where you could watch the planes for a bit. Oh, and everyone was well-dressed and not the least bit hurried or stressed, even though their chances of ending the day in a flaming plunge from six miles high was about 1,000 times more likely than it is today.

But we do have cable. And cell phones. Oh, and don't forget porno, plenty of porn 24/7, so there's that. Rick Macherat
posted by Rick at 12:35 AM

Post  #2691.   Hot.     My day involved a few phone calls, some messing around and generally fighting the heat. Are you going to complain about the heat all summer long again this year? Why yes, I had planned to. Why? No reason. [My imaginary person actually sighed.] Of course I have to complain about the heat, for three reasons: 1) I live in a heat-containing house; 2) I have that special heat disease; 3) Seattle has a peculiar kind of heat, recognized for the evil that it is by only a few of us with 2).

So how hot was it today? [yawn] Glad you asked. It was 87° in Seattle, and despite the extreme measures that I take during the hot season and which won't be delved into here because of credibility and mental stability issues, it is still 82° in the living room where I'm sitting. Note for those considering air conditioning: when they tell you that floor ducts work just fine as long as you get a really BIG unit and a really BIG fan, well, they're right - so long as you don't stand up.

A funny thing about Seattle. People went AFN today, what with the sailing and the sunbathing, the skipping work and mainly just the sitting out and soaking up. Almost none of those people thought ahead to the fact that tomorrow morning will be one of the crabbiest on record. Why? Since this is the first day of it, few people remember, but approximately 45 seconds after they lay down to to try and sleep, they will. Friends in Seattle, take this from an old timer: it is pointless even to go to bed because it will just get hotter and hotter and sweatier and angrier every second you stay there tonight. Your bedmate will seem like a yule log, and you might get to where you contemplate tossing him/her/it right out the window. Best thing to do is run water in the tub and sleep in there. Yeah, you might die, but along about 4:30AM even that won't seem so bad.

The sister-in-law, who is Completely Immune to Heat by the way, went for her annual physical yesterday. What I'm going to tell you about next is the reason why she won't be getting my URL [I have to live with her, so to speak.] Sister is distressed over the fact that she is in perfect health and doesn't have anything while it seems like everyone else our age is having operations, getting chemo, dying .. like crazy. A couple of weeks ago, brother and I were discussing how we were going to get this awkwardly weighted and sized oven upstairs. So, she comes over, sizes up the task, semi-not-so-silently whispers something like Oh forgodssakes and lifts and carries the blasted thing up two flights of stairs to the kitchen. The rest of the visit was spent talking about how Doctor doesn't understand about her bad back.

So, they have her down for an Isotope [Nuclear] Stress Test. How could I resist, huh, when she asked me what I knew about it? First I went the silly route and told her they set off a tiny nuclear device and see how fast you can run to escape it. In truth, the test is so gawdawful that I would sooner take the nuke-and-run. NFW I would consider it, no matter how badly I wanted to have something. So, I explained that they inject you with stuff which alternatively constricts and dilates various arteries and veins while starving the heart and basically getting you as close to being dead as they possibly can without outright killing you, all the while watching what this radioactive "dye" does as it courses through your poor heart and circulatory system.

She took all of that like she usually does - like I hadn't uttered a word - and said she planned to look the procedure up on the Internet. Then I mentioned, just as an aside, that they use Thallium. Thallium? You mean .. Yes. But, there isn't anything to worry about, of course, because the medical profession always has the well-being of the patient first and foremost and they certainly wouldn't schedule you for something which wasn't Completely Safe, even considering the fact that she has been like The Creature That Won't Die to them for about twenty years. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 2:19 AM

Post  #2690.   John Wick kills.  I'm not violent, but I like violent movies. John Wick satisfies anyone so-inclined. I wondered, "Has anyone counted?" Of course they have. This is the Internet, and everything that has ever been imagined is already there.

Count 'emRick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 1:25 PM

Post  #2689.   Next 1964. 

Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 2:10 AM

Post  #2690.   Rick Macherat.  There was a reason for this silliness at one time, and soon I'll remember what it was and edit this post into something sensible.


Rick Macherat is so cool.

Rick Macherat is number one.

Rick Macherat is away.

Rick Macherat Is Dead On Target.

Rick Macherat is our Director for Vampire plots.

Rick Macherat is refusing to let me open them.

Rick Macherat is the artist behind the incredible Precious Moments dolls.

Rick Macherat is having problems right now with a white screen.

Rick Macherat is a new graduate student who hails from Dayton, Ohio.

Rick Macherat is upset.

Rick Macherat is a must-see.

Rick Macherat is hard at it.

Rick Macherat is not in the cast photo for 2002!!! Rick Macherat is continuing his on-going studies of population structure and social dynamics of a shallow-water population of Bluntnose Sixgill Sharks.

Rick Macherat is Coming to Your School.

Rick Macherat is also co-author of the world-famous Nephroid Lab.

Rick Macherat is not worth Amber's time.

Rick Macherat is the author of three books.

Rick Macherat is a committee member of one of the largest ranch organizations in Northern Arizona.

Rick Macherat is a bullshitter.

Rick Macherat is now bulletproof?

Rick Macherat is too slick.

Rick Macherat is the libelous one.

Rick Macherat is going to Washington to fix that.

Rick Macherat is scheduling his 2003 calendar now! Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 2:07 AM

Post  #2688.   Memories. It was just a matter of time before I would come across the perfect container for storing this item. I made a mental note to keep an eye out. Sure enough, after some time, no way to know how much time, here was this little black vinyl packet, about the size of several CD's, nice big fold-over flap, no lettering or logo, even a little fuzzy inside. Just right for .... what? Now, what the heck was it that I needed to store? THAT memory was gone, gone like it never existed gone. You know how that feels - your mind is never going to be able to pull it up.

I've put the container in a location fully in view in my kitchen should the lost item ever turn up. When it does, I'll finally be able to match them and store the package in some place in this house where I'll never find it again.

This sort of thing goes on All The Time. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:45 AM

Post  #2687.   The Rock. Of course, I should use bifocals. If I did, the check would have been written for the amount of the premium due instead of the dividend. So many numbers, so little attention span. To shorten this up, I discovered it the next day while filing, called the mechanical information center to get the mailing address for that type of mistake and sent off a new check. About ten days later, I received a notice from Prudential and THAT'S when I got on the phone.

It was the same lady machine. Evidently, she handles all the calls, only this time I became hopelessly lost somewhere in her mind. Help sent me to General Help, same person there! Complete Silence While Not Even Breathing got me "Sorry, I didn't hear that." She had the bases covered better than an indignant 40-year wife just inside the door at 3:31am with a rolling pin. Eventually, I managed the golden reply (which is REPRESENTATIVE, by the way, make a note) and was call-forwarded to Tim. I suppose it started to go downhill when I mused aloud that it seemed unlikely that "for my protection," the giving my full address, ZIP code and telephone number to a complete stranger was truly in my best interest. Although Tim retained his basic English-speaking ability, he suddenly lost the comprehension part. I could tell when he asked me if I had been drinking when the dog bite occurred.

The usual ponderously long story made short, I eventually got to a genuine 'maircun named Roger in Wisconsin. He told me, after some prodding, that Tim was in Panama. AHA! A new location in my call center trip around the globe. One of these days I'm going to land in a country where I speak the language, like Amharia or Urdustan and then I'll have them, won't I? Incidentally, Roger was so oily that I needed a Arm 'n Hammer rubdown when I finally got done with him.

Seriously, folks, this doesn't happen very often, and I want to assure you that I DO NOT START IT. Many, many times I have had delightful exchanges with customer service and learned all about Jean Ann's acceptance into beauty school and Uncle Horace's battle with psoriasis. Because I ask. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 12:23 AM

Post  #2686.   An alternate ending.  Several years have passed, important and life-changing years. Anastasia "Ana" leaves the bedroom, carrying little Precious, not her name but what they call her, and goes into the living room where, almost buried in the décor and overwhelming view of the city, sits the husband, reading, of course.

"Darling," she interrupted, "Often when I'm changing Precious I remember so well the night we made her."

Interested, he had to ask, "How could you know?"

"A woman knows," she said with considerable certitude, "And I certainly knew at once that new life was there."

"How wonderful," he said, putting down his book, "But why only when you're changing her?"

"Oh that's easy, silly," she laughed, "That was the first night you peed on me."Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.
posted by Rick at 11:36 PM

Post  #2685.   The other neighbors.      Mrs. Cleese lives a few houses down with her two children. The son is about twelve, and his name is Corcoran, so-named because that's where his father was when he was born. Despite the spotty parenting, he seems like a nice boy. The baby girl's name is Velveeta. Mrs. Cleese named her that because she was extremely pissed at being knocked-up again just before Mister Cleese was headed back to prison. That's how she explained it to me anyway. Grandma Cleese warned her not to name the child Velveeta, but Mrs. Cleese is very headstrong. I know. She's my neighbor. I predict little Velveeta will also turn out to be pretty assertive. Corcoran asked if he could mow my lawn for some extra money. I'm "thinking it over." If I pay him too little, he may have me killed. Too much and he'll think there's money here and rob and kill me in the night. Then again, he may just mow the lawn like any regular kid, and not even steal anything. I like to be fair. Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day.

posted by Rick at 12:07 AM

Post  #2684.   One more time.

Post #2512. Rerun, Boast, Milestone. One of my posts, #2435, had words in it, when searched, make it to the top of a Google. It was just a little post.

Post #2435. 4411 Huguenot Walloon Drive. That was just for you folks who were trying to remember, What WAS that address? Sometimes I'll laugh out loud, thinking about those two kids. They're still alive, you know. He's 79 and she's 78. And still very much in love, we'd like to think. Hint: Mike Nichols and Elaine May

Of course, Mike's gone now. But there will always be a 4411 Huguenot Walloon Drive. Google reports, politely, as always, "We couldn't understand this location."Rick Macherat Rick M. In the day. RMacherat
posted by Rick at 11:55 PM